Call/Number Disguiser

As we all know, Hollywood has granted us with a realistic view on how to be super 1337 h4ck3rz, but one common hack we always see are anonymous calling, with the bonus of a deep voice changer so it sound like the scary trash can monsters we've all grown to fear.

But any call disguiser on the market is a buggy payed peace of useless, ineffective software. (Besides, Micro transactions don't really say hacker)

So, Null-Byte, how would you:

1. How would you make your calls completely anonymous? In such a way that not even a fed could trace it back to you.

2. How would you distort your voice on call? (Preferable with minimal delay)

3. Also, is there a way you could anonymiz texts? I fully understand that communication is only as secure as the weakest aspect, (in this case the person your calling/texting) but is there a way to text a phone number without it leaving a trace? This is tricky because I know theres hundreds of secure peer-to-peer apps that ensure user saftey, using E2E encryption, but are there anyway you can communicate with a vanilla number securely?

Any links, recommendations or thoughts would be great! Thanks!