My Story :'( -Please Help!

Hi,

Please help me!

I wanted to learn everything in this field, i was very excited, i made a very very detailed plan...

I'm 16 now, this started since i was 11, but i had only 2 hours a weekend maximum to learn, i stopped learning for long periods, i have 12 yrs old pc...i hacked lots of people, virtual machines, and an ISP...but...the next year im gonna live alone...So i will buy a pc and equipments...AND I WILL HAVE TIME...HORRAAAY...no.

I'm gonna travel to Germany to study medicine, medicine..in their language..and in the hardest university there..so it's gonna ruin my life..SIGh..im very sad.

Then I changed the plan, started thinking about learning only things related to social engineering (tricking people), wireless attacks, bluetooth hacking...wireshark for sniffing, making an undetectable payload and embedding it to several forms to trick everyone, spread it, and to learn what to do after hacking router (not wifi) like making my dns, and how to do dmz,..... how to hack devices connected to the meterpreter'd machine, including windows, phones, servers, other subnets.........veil, armitage, isecur1ty, securitytube, cybrary, getting very long range wifi scanner/injector.....nethunter.....and everything connected to that title, that can be done easily, and no advanced code required, hack people i know and near me. NEAR networks, devices, systems.....HACKING

But not to learn website, servers, far OS's that arent near me (that needs special exploits to be hacked through a service on a port like ssh, or apache.....no OSCP or OSCE...

Why not those ? Because they need advanced programming skills, they take lots of time...and effort...no exact source that teaches u advanced things....they r not worth learning because you wont be able to good websites or servers...unless u learned for 20+ years and paid $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ...and when u want to hack ur friend, u will probably get back to social engineering and meterpreter payload..... .

After that..i thought that why to spend time and effort learning those ?! (the things i want/the first paragraph) ! Will i spend my life hacking every wifi or neighbour or pc or bluetooth....? If i hacked into a one, what will i get ? nothing! i just harmed people! If i hacked a wifi, meterpreter'd everyone connected, then what ?? files ? accounts ? whats the benefit ?!!! Nothing.

I love hacking! I can't leave it! I can't stop it! But why should i learn it? what's the benefit? hacking bank accounts? hack fbi? nsa? I won't be able? So why to learn ??? For job ? I will not be a penetration tester, digital forensic man or.... .

I watched Mr.Robot, and the excitement got back again, even stronger!!!

Please help me all! Everyone! I'm very sad and upset :'( I can't sleep :(

Pro's, Phoenix, OccupyTheWeb, and everyone help me!